Sometimes, my brain lies to me

Cherry Blossom Ten Mile Run
Cherry Blossom Ten Mile Run (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

On Sunday, I am one of 15,000 runners in the 40th annual Cherry Blossom 10 Mile Run. This will be my first time running it, and my first over-5K run. I am excited, terrified, and not sure how to feel.

I know that I have not been training as much as I would have wanted to, but I also have been able to complete 10 miles, in a non-race environment. It was amazing to me, during that run, how much of the run was having to battle my brain. That sometimes, I have to sit with the fact that I just want to sit in the middle of the road and say, “I can’t do this, why am I doing this?” There are times when I recognize it’s there and have to sit with it. Sometimes, it’s working with the sharp sword that cuts through the crap. And so, during my test 10 mile run, I listened to Parabola by Tool and kept running, kept thinking about how much this body is a gift, this moment is a gift, and that my brain lies to me, sometimes. It tells me I can’t do things. But, I can. And I will.

So, on Sunday, I’ll be racing my heart out, wearing my Ministry of Magic hat (because it feels like magic that I am able to do this at all), my Highly Motivated Runner shirt (in gray; we should all have dinosaurs chasing us), and remembering all of the reasons I have to run.

I’ll be back, probably Monday, with a race recap. Happy Weekend!

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3 thoughts on “Sometimes, my brain lies to me

  1. […] And failing causes waves. Struggling with depression and self-injury causes waves. Being angry causes waves. Wrestling with the jealousy and feeling like I will never make my dreams come true causes waves (internally and externally). And yet, the experience of this all is the very storytelling that I was seeking to do here. And yet, I couldn’t show up and tell this truth – it would cause too many waves. {And to be honest? I also began to feel that because I couldn’t make dreams happen, I shouldn’t have them at all. Easier, my brain told me. I forget that sometimes, my brain lies.} […]

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