Yesterday was a pretty yucky day. I was stuck in my head and even the time or two I was like, “This is ridiculous, why am I doing this to myself?” I didn’t turn my frown upside down.
BUT… the story doesn’t stop there.
My partner had a meeting so, instead of going home (where I was certain I would pout, mope, and continue to feel yucky), I opted to go with her, go to a bookstore, get coffee, and work some on the short story I’m hoping to send to beta readers by the end of the week. I thought I was thwarted, as I had accidentally left my journal at the office. But, I opted to just use whatever paper I had in my bag. I wrote. For 900 words. Then, when we got home, we weren’t really hungry, so I went for a quick run in the soupy outdoors which was Baltimore last night.
By the time I got home, I was back to saying HOORAY (which I believe not nearly enough of us use), smiling, and feeling better. We went on to have a small dinner, to get everything ready for today, have a brief sitting meditation practice, then get to bed to read for a while.
So, what did I learn?
- Sometimes, The Cranky happens. Beating myself up about it? Not helpful.
- Make sure I’m doing the things that keep me sane. Regularly.
- Recognize when it’s simply time to shush, lace up my sneakers, and go for a hard run.
- Putting pen to paper is often really helpful for me.
- Sometimes, not having a reference point (i.e., previous writing on my short story) means you have to trust yourself, or just write. And sometimes, really interesting things come out.
- Dinner is non-negotiable, but doesn’t need to happen Right Away.
- Doing the things you love, and finding a way to stop thinking while doing them, helps tremendously.
- Having a supportive person who is like, “It’s okay. It happens,” toward your crankiness? Total win.
- Being able to work with the Cranky, find a way through it, helped me to settle on my cushion. (Of course, if I hadn’t, it would have simply been something to work with during that practice.)
While I am grateful that I was able to enjoy much of the evening after a super negative day, that’s not the point to this post. The point is that I often forget it’s okay to not be happy, bouncy, cheery HOORAY all the time. And I often beat myself up about it. And it’s not helpful.
Finding my way back to the things that I love, and that get me out of my head? That’s helpful. And it might not have changed anything at all, but at least, I wouldn’t be circling my brain.