Holy macaroni… Over a month since I’ve been here.
In many ways, the last month (or so) has been a moratorium on blogging anywhere in the webiverse. It’s been time away from Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and my blog reader feeds. My time online has drastically decreased in the last month.
It’s been a weird, though slightly exhilarating, time period in my life. I’ve been vacillating between feeling super inadequate and feeling okay with being new at what I’m doing. It’s been a time of trying to understand the major changes that have come with transitioning into this new life, of actually practicing what I’ve been learning at school (and in my life).
In this space, I perceive that I’ve been living the idea that the only constant is change. That I have never quite settled on what the Visible and Real space is supposed to look like, what I truly want to do with it. I’ve been coming back to that thought, especially the last few weeks, when I have so much (and nothing) to say. That I don’t like the feeling of languishing that I have when I think of this space.
Who knew what the universe would offer when I stepped into the word trust as my intention word for 2013? That trust (particularly self-trust) in the stark light of reality is really freaking hard, and that it’s something I do need to practice, to be intentional about, and that sometimes, trust is about living in the middle of a firm no and a roaring yes.
For me, I’m learning that sometimes trust is the admission of uncertainty, and not trying to change that uncertainty to concrete knowing. Trusting that I am enough to get through these times.